Archive for the ‘Hodgkin’s lymphoma’ Category

update about me before the flood gates

Friday, July 26th, 2013

Feel like an update on me will get lost in the shuffle once I start posting about what’s I’m currently dealing with and didn’t want to lose this for posterity and for people who haven’t gotten an update in a while.

After the 100 days off from MS, they brought me back as v- and as STE2, which is a bump from my first contract which was a- STE1. v- means I can work indefinitely where as a- means have to take 100 days off. There’s supposed to be a difference in how they work but in reality it’s mainly just an accounting difference. I need a hand full more years before I can go full time most likely, since most (more…)

logged in and found this as a draft

Saturday, November 24th, 2012

this is kinda how I was feeling when I first started on my 100 day break after my last contract, I guess I was gonna do a post about it, but never did. putting it up as is:

Me: I think my contract ending is fuckign with me more than I expected
Friend: Really?
Me: my uncle has cancer, had prostate surgery and found out it’s aggressive and he may have to have chemo, radiation or both
Me: uncle I’m pretty close with (the one in st louis)
Me: think that’s a little of it
Me: bring back some cancer shit for me
Me: but I think the bulk of it is the contract ending
Me: think I may be a little depressed, feel a cloud over me a little
Me: the uncertainty of it, I’m probably coming back after the 100 days but it’s not a definite
Me: unemployment only goes on for so long and finding a job can be hard, I’ve only been in this field for a short time and I don’t look super good on paper yet and am kind of a bad interview
Friend: Yeah, a lot of shit on your plate….makes sense.
Me: and part of it is like, they’re going to be doing shit for 3 months without me even if I do come back, I don’t want them to make bad decisions or fuck shit up while I’m gone, so I think there’s some anxiety there too a little
Me: I don’t know, shit’s been going too well kinda
Friend: Makes sense though
Friend: Not quite irrational
Me: like my luck has run out somehow and this is the first piece of the downslide or something
Me: what’s not quite irrational?
Friend: Ur thoughts

Christmas is over

Sunday, December 26th, 2010

Well, Christmas is over and it hit me how close January is.  I think I was ignoring it, in my mind it was still a ways off but somehow now that Christmas happened it hit me and is kinda fucking with me a little.  The reason it has impact is that the last two Januarys I’ve been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s.  Think I’ve said that in a post somewhere, that (more…)

been far too long…

Tuesday, December 14th, 2010

Not sure what I’ve been waiting for with updating… I think I’ve been waiting for something to settle into some kind of rhythm, like equalize to some place but it’s kinda been a moving target.  I still find I’m not believing that Hodgkin’s isn’t coming back.  I find myself saying things like, “I don’t feel bad… yet…” when talking about (more…)

quote that sums my ass up

Friday, August 13th, 2010

stumbled on this quote and it rings pretty true for me currently:

The greatest tragedy in life is that most people spend their entire lives indefinitely preparing to live – Paul Tournier

another thing

Sunday, August 8th, 2010

Same shit as last post is fucking with me some still but not as much as last night.  Something else I’ve been thinking about that was brought to mind from the stuff last night about the potential for a pattern, is that how do you ‘get over’ something that has no time limit or end?  I can get (more…)


Saturday, August 7th, 2010

I was looking through some shit and apparently 07/2009 is when I was officially in remission last time and that’s the exact same time I was officially in remission this time…  It’s kinda fucking with me…  Nothing hella specific but just knowing that seems kind of oppressive…  I know it’s just a coincidence but knowing that in (more…)

had an appointment with oncologist

Friday, August 6th, 2010

Had the last appointment with Dr. Kaminer (the oncologist that did the high dose chemo with me) before I switch back to Dr. Dragon as my main oncologist.  Not much to report.  I ask about my hip hurting if that was normal or if it should be hurting or shouldn’t be or what.  She ask if I was more active and I said yes and she didn’t (more…)

little better

Wednesday, August 4th, 2010

Feel like I should post since it’s been a while (post from a couple days ago hardly counts) but I don’t know, I guess I don’t want to jinx it? Been feeling a little better about things. It’s odd, nothing’s actually resolved per se but but like identifying more fully how you feel about something and why you may feel that way somehow (more…)

there is a bright side of everything

Sunday, August 1st, 2010

talking to a buddy of mine and:

bLOB: gonna go get my hair cut
bLOB: first haircut in like 6 months (more…)