logged in and found this as a draft

this is kinda how I was feeling when I first started on my 100 day break after my last contract, I guess I was gonna do a post about it, but never did. putting it up as is:

Me: I think my contract ending is fuckign with me more than I expected
Friend: Really?
Me: my uncle has cancer, had prostate surgery and found out it’s aggressive and he may have to have chemo, radiation or both
Me: uncle I’m pretty close with (the one in st louis)
Me: think that’s a little of it
Me: bring back some cancer shit for me
Me: but I think the bulk of it is the contract ending
Me: think I may be a little depressed, feel a cloud over me a little
Me: the uncertainty of it, I’m probably coming back after the 100 days but it’s not a definite
Me: unemployment only goes on for so long and finding a job can be hard, I’ve only been in this field for a short time and I don’t look super good on paper yet and am kind of a bad interview
Friend: Yeah, a lot of shit on your plate….makes sense.
Me: and part of it is like, they’re going to be doing shit for 3 months without me even if I do come back, I don’t want them to make bad decisions or fuck shit up while I’m gone, so I think there’s some anxiety there too a little
Me: I don’t know, shit’s been going too well kinda
Friend: Makes sense though
Friend: Not quite irrational
Me: like my luck has run out somehow and this is the first piece of the downslide or something
Me: what’s not quite irrational?
Friend: Ur thoughts

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