another thing

Same shit as last post is fucking with me some still but not as much as last night.  Something else I’ve been thinking about that was brought to mind from the stuff last night about the potential for a pattern, is that how do you ‘get over’ something that has no time limit or end?  I can get cancer again at any time or never. 5 days? yep. 6 months? yep. 3 years? yep. Never? yep.  All are possible…  How do you compartmentalize that uncertainty and move on when what you’re moving on from hasn’t really ended?  I’m currently out of the woods but not by much, I can feel the leaves tickling my back and it will be like that indefinitely…  I ask Dr. Dragon about how likely it was to come back after I was in remission the first time and he said being in remission for 5 years, you are much less likely to get it again.  10 years you’re even less likely to get it…  Needless to say, I fucking certainly can’t just sit around and wait for 5 years, let alone 10 years.  Even if it was much less time, it’s still just lowering the possibility anyway.  Plus how skewed are the statistics because the majority of people who get cancer are real old and likely to die in 10-20 years anyway. heh.

I don’t know.  Moving on during the thing you’re trying to move on from is kind of a mind fuck.  It’s just weird and hard to wrap your head around…

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