little better

Last Thursday night I didn’t sleep at all.  Friday night I slept some but not great, way better than not at all though.  Saturday I looked at the paper they gave me with the zoloft (because it’s the only thing that changed) and trouble sleeping is a listed side effect.  I stopped taking it and started to sleep a little better.  I seem to be back to sleeping regular bad instead of extra bad.

I have  a CT scan tomorrow to check if the lumps are gone… I can’t help but be  a little nervous about it…  Like my dad said in response to me saying that, “Well, that makes sense, you’ve been disappointed before.”  Mother fuck I hope it’s clear…  Should be but who the fuck knows…

Overall I’m doing a little better mentally.  I was talking to a buddy of mine and he reminded me/reawakened some goals that I had set previously that have been on hold for the last 2+ years because of this shit.  It gave me something to shoot for, something tangible, versus just sitting and spinning and waiting some unknown amount of time until I’m feeling normal again.  Still not back to normal mentally but am at least one better footing than I was a week/week and and a half ago.  I have an appointment with a psychiatrist the 6th, hopefully she can dial in the meds a little better and has something that won’t keep me from sleeping.  Have a call in to the Cancer Wellness Center that has free services to cancer patients including therapists, so I’ve got a call in there too.  Figure it can’t hurt.

Physically I’m still making small gains each week, getting a little stronger and whatnot.  It’s slow, which sucks but slow small gains are better than nothing most definitely.

2 Responses to “little better”

  1. Frances says:

    Good luck tomorrow. I’ll be thinking of you. Keep me posted!

  2. bLOB says:

    thanks. Ya, as soon as I know something, I’ll post.

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