I was looking through some shit and apparently 07\/2009 is when I was officially in remission last time and that’s the exact same time I was officially in remission this time… \u00a0It’s kinda fucking with me… \u00a0Nothing hella specific but just knowing that seems kind of oppressive… \u00a0I know it’s just a coincidence but knowing that in my head doesn’t apparently mean much. \u00a0It’s like I’ve been in this exact position before and I’m really fucking hoping it’s not a rinse repeat situation… I was already kinda tentative and kinda not willing to 100% commit mentally that I’m done with Hodgkin’s…<\/p>\n
hmm… wow… I just typed cancer there and it felt weird, like slightly scary, so I deleted it and put Hodgkin’s in which didn’t have that connotation to me for some reason… I think that’s the first time that’s happened like that the whole time through all this… \u00a0Even earlier today there was a poster at my brothers work for some ‘marathon for Lymphoma’ and I was like, “That’s wierd ’cause Lymphoma’s not one thing and something that treats Hodgkin’s wouldn’t treat another lymphoma… hmmm… but I guess they have walking shit for just ‘cancer’ so I guess it makes sense then.” \u00a0said it nonchelantly and thought nothing of it but typing the word cancer was weird just now… \u00a0That was before I knew the date thing though. \u00a0I don’t get it. Typing cancer in that sentence did nothing. \u00a0Maybe because it didn’t pertain to me?I don’t know… Since that last instance did nothing I went back and read that sentence replacing hodgkin’s with cancer and felt the same way… and typing it right there I felt the same way… This is fucking weird and makes no sense…. Fucking a…<\/p>\n
Anyway, I guess back to the regularly scheduled program… Like I said, I was already kinda tentative and kinda not willing to 100% commit mentally that I’m done with Hodgkin’s… Basically, it came back once after all when I had no sign of it, what’s stopping it from repeating that? Well, the human mind is bad about seeing patterns and drawing conclusions on past experience and correlation regardless of how likely it is (statistics) or what the actual cause of something is. \u00a0Now I’ve got this nice pattern that is represented from last year to go along with that busted aspect of human perception. \u00a0Logically, none of the above makes any sense. \u00a0Of course because I got it last year doesn’t mean I’ll get it this year. \u00a0It’s something to be on the look out for and something that is of course possible but because it happened previously on the same timeline doesn’t mean the second half of the story will repeat. \u00a0Logically knowing that’s the case doesn’t really quell the feeling though…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was looking through some shit and apparently 07\/2009 is when I was officially in remission last time and that’s the exact same time I was officially in remission this time… \u00a0It’s kinda fucking with me… \u00a0Nothing hella specific but just knowing that seems kind of oppressive… \u00a0I know it’s just a coincidence but knowing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","spay_email":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-361","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hodgkins-lymphoma"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/sqH02-gah","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.mrblob9000.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/361","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.mrblob9000.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.mrblob9000.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.mrblob9000.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.mrblob9000.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=361"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/blog.mrblob9000.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/361\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":363,"href":"http:\/\/blog.mrblob9000.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/361\/revisions\/363"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.mrblob9000.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=361"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.mrblob9000.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=361"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.mrblob9000.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=361"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}